Razor Love
by novaeverdeen
Summary: AU. Katniss has a dark secret. Can her new friendship with Peeta start to heal her pain? Will she ever come to grips with her father's death and the darkness it caused in her heart? KatnissxPeeta. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

How much do I need to self harm myself to feel? All I want to do is feel and I can't. After dad died, it was like my soul shattered into a million pieces and broke into half. I tried to hide the marks from Prim, keeping long sleeve shirts on whenever I went to school and saw my friends. But the pain was still there.

My name is katniss everdeen and I am a self-harmer. I go to district 12 high school along with my friends. No one knows my seceret. It is my hidden shame.

"prim, it's time for school." I said to her as I got dressed for the day.

"okay." she said, finsihing her braids and smiling at me.

I gripped her hand and squeezed it tightly. Prim was th eonly thing that made me happy in life. Mom wasn't really around anymore so I tried to do the best I could.

At school the only time I felt alive was during music class. I would sing whenever I could and feel okay again. Rue said I had a nice voice. That was good.

At lunch, I kept to myself today because I didnt feel like sharing with anyone. I was pratically depressed today and my wounds were aching. I sat outside under the tree, eating my lunch quietly. Prim was having fun with her friends and I didnt want to bother her.

"hey" I looked up to see peeta. I knew peeta only briefl, through, In art class. He was very talented but I wasnt sure why he was talking to me.

"oh hey," I said to him, taking a bite out of my apple.

"Mind if I sit here?" "No not at all." I said, scotting over so he had some room.

"I was wondering If I could ask you for a favour?" he said.

"Sure." I said, a little wary.

"Well you know how the teacher assigned us that sketching project?"

I did. Art was not my best subject and the thought of a sketching project filled me with dread.

"I was wondering if you'd..you'd want to be my model?" he asked almost shyly.

O I was taken aback, "Really? Me?"

"Yeah. Sketching people is still a challenge for me and I need a model, if you don't mind," he smiled a little.

I took another bite of my apple and rubbed my covered arms self conciously.

"Uhm, sure, I suppose." I said.

"Great." he said.

"OOH loook" came a teasing voice and my head shot up to see Clove and Glimmer, the two girls in gym vlass I just couldn't stand, "katniss and peeta are cozying up to each other"

clove and glimmer never got along with me since I beat them in archery. I couldn't stand them. They thought they were so hot and wonderful, it drove me crazy.

"Just ignore them," Peetsa said to me, and then stood up, "I'll give you a call? What's your number?" he took out his phone and I told him my cell number which he typed quickly, "Ill give you a call okay, katniss? Thanks again."

He left and I wondered what I had gotten myself into.


	2. Chapter 2

Just then my friend Gale walked up and took a seat beside me. We had been friends for a long time even though he was a few years older than me. "Hey Kitness" "Hi Gale..." "I saw you talking to that Peeta guy, he's such a JERK." Gale huffed and crossed his arms. He was obviously just jealous since Peeta was so cool and nice and good at drawing. Guys are soo dumb. "You're just jealous because he can draw well and you can't even draw a circle." I pointed out. "THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Gale screamed, dumping his tray of cheesebuns to the floor. "My circles are amazing! Girls love my circles!" He started to cry and ran away from the table, not before he cautioned me against hanging out with that Peeta guy. Whatever. The rest of the day went slowly, with each class going by slower and slower. Time was just so slow! When the final bell rang I rushed out of school hurriedly, pushing down a few kids in the process. I'm not even sorry about it. That night after I had taken care of Prim because our mother is a bad parent my phone rang. "Hi Katniss" "Hi Peeta!" "Would you like to come over and be my modle now? My parents aren't even at home ;)" Peeta said. i think he was hinting at something. "Ok sure. I'll be there soon." This was gonna be fun! 


	3. Chapter 3

I helped prim with her homework and then walked over to peeta's. I liked the calmness of the forest trees and the air. Mom had passed out from drinking so I headed over.

I knocked on the door, "hi peeta."

"Hey katniss." he said, letting me inside.

"Do you mind if we pose on the patio?" he asked me and I nodded, yanking down my sleeves, "Uhm sure."

He led me out to a beautiful patio where I was taken aback by the glorious sight of trees and nature.

"I was thinking just to do one of you on the rock in the yard. You seem so natural in the nature, like under the tree in school." he gave me that shy smile again and I couldnt help but return it.

"okay." I said.

I sat at the rock and wasn't sure what to do. It was warm but my shirt had to suffice because I needed it to cover my scars.

"Just be natrual, katniss." he said, pulling out a sketching pad and some pencils.

I didnt know how to be natural. How does someone be natural? Maybe this was a bad idea? My phone buzzed and I checked the front screen. Gale.

"Just let me get ready." peeta said, trying to organize his things.

I pulled out my phone and read the text: R U W/ PEETA? It said.

I ignored the text and put it back in my pocket. Peeta glanced up, "Are you hungry? I made cheesebuns."

"NoI'm okay, thanks." I said.

"Okay. Let's start. Just be natural." he said again.

I shifted my weight nervously on the rock, and closed my eyes. I tried to focus on the sound of the trees, not mom passed out, or dad dying, or the way I would take a razor to my arms. The last thing I needed was peeta knowing my secret. Gale wouldn't understand either. It was the only thing I could control in this life.

We stay quiet for some time, me focusing on my breathing and peeta focusing on the drawing. My phone buzzed once and a while – probably Gale. What was his problem? I thought of clove and glimmer mocking me. I did nothing to anyone and I just tried to get by why did all of this happen to me? My fingers twitched as I thought about my razorblade at home.

"Done." peetsa said about an hour later and I let out a deep breathe.

"Oh, okay."

"You were great. Want to see?"

"Sure." I said and walked over to look at the drawing.

The drawing showed someone nice and relaxed – someone not like me. This couldn't be me. I looked normal, not a broken thing that I knew so well. I suddenly was aware how close peeta was to me.

"It looks great. Uhm, I gotta go though. Prim needs me. Thanks though." I said, he looked surprised, but I went away quickly, feeling nervous and uncomfortable.


	4. Chapter 4

The walk home was so confusing. Did I like Peetza? Was he really the one for me? Would he even understand me...sigh. My mind was too deep to think such deep thoughts. Prim always said I was a deep thinker. Now I just confused myself. "Get it together, Katness!" I hissed. My phone buzzed again. Stupid Gale! He was such a dumb crybaby who got mad at cute guys drawing circles. He also had unhealthy obsession with cheesebuns. Who liked cheesebuns that much? Well, Peta seemed too. Why am I surrounded by cheesebuns? I gripped my hair in frustration and yanked my phone out of my pocket, intending to write an angry text to gal. "u r a big baby! leave me alone! pee gave me some cheesebuns mUHAHAH" I typed and hit "SEND". Let him deal with that! A few seconds later he sent a reply. "YOU'RE SO STUPID! I COULD GET ANY GIRL I WANTED! I'M GOING TO GO LOOK AT SOME HILLS AND BE THOUGHTFUL!" He didn't have to scream. Boy it was taking me a long time to get home. When I walked through the front door my mother was laying on the couch, drunk as usual. Prim was playing with some scissors she found. I trusted her even though she was like what 5? 6? I forgot. The next day I was at lunch again when Peeta sat down next to me. "I showed my teacher your portrait, she gave me an A+" He smiled and I hugged him. "That's so cool!" I smiled. "Sooo Kitty, would you like to go on a date? We can get pizza and play at the arcade. Maybe compete with some other kids for our lives. The usual" Peet was blushing and looking down at his feet. "Sounds fun. Do you like wasps by any chance?" I asked, picking up my bow and arrow. I always took it to lunch with me. "Wasps are awesome." Wow, a date! 


	5. Chapter 5

I had felt confident about the date until I was getting ready for it. Then it just started to make me feel sick. What was I doing? I didn't go on dates. I didn't do anything like that. My mind began to spun and ym breathe was heavy. I just couldnt do it. I stared in the mirror at my reflection, naked, seeing the scars that lined my arms and thighs. For a second peeta made me feel normal but I was nything but normal. What was I thinking? Would I date him, bring him home, bring him here to a drunken mother and my little sister that I spent my ferree time taking care of?

My breath was rapid now, and I started up the shower. This was so foolish. My head felt like it was swimming and I was trapped in the coal mine that killed my father. That is how gale and I became friends – we lost our fathers in the same accident. Gale was passionat, not a bad guy, but not a perfect guy. Like me. We both were imperfect. Could peeta understand that?

I got into the shower and felt the water fall over my kin. I couldn't think straight as my hands fumbled for the razor blae. Just one cut, just one cut would make everything eel like it made sense again. This was how it had to be.

The blood and pain came quickly and I wtched it go down the drain. My breathing was labored buy this was how it had to be. I could hear my phone buzzing on the counter. I waited until the blood stopped and mopped it up with a towel. The cut was deeper than I had intended but my head felt more instact now.

I went over to my phone seeing a text from peeta. HEY, YOU READY? It said with a smiley face. The pain on my thigh throbbed while I texted back CAN'T MAKE IT, PRIM NEEDS ME, SORRY and pressed send.

At the same time, I sent a text to gale. I REALLY NEED TO SEE YOU. It said. If anyone was good at self destrucive behavior of the drinking kind, it was gale, and it was something I felt I needed. Gale texted back, OKAY. WANT TO COME OVER? I WAS GOING TO HEAD OVER TO RUE'S, SAID SHE HAD A PARTY TONIGHT.

I said okay, and gathered my things. I didn't belong with peeta. I was too broken and peeta was too whole for me. What I needed was something gale could only give me – the memory of forgetting my pain.

I shoved some things in my purse when my phone went off. It was peeta. EVERYTHING OKAY? It said. I ignored it. I couldn't think of posing for peeta, or the one he looked at me so lovely, like I deserved to be looked that way. I wrapped up my thigh the best I could, swung my purse over my shoulder, and headed out to rue's party.

When I got there, Gale welcomed me in a bear hug, obviously drunk already.

"Sorry we fought earlier, catnip."

"It's okay, gale. Just...lay off me, okay?" I sounded annoyed, and tired, and he handed me a drink.

He hugged me again, "Of course. Come on, let's have some fun. The week is over! Let's celebrate!"

"What is there to celebrate?" I said surly.

But Gale was drunk and wasn't paying me any heed, instead cramming a cheesebun in his mouth and laughing at a joke adorable Rue made. Rue was too sweet for me, but she was a perfect friend of prim. Prim. I hoped prim was okay. Was it so wrong to want to to forget for a while?


	6. Chapter 6

The party got pretty boring pretty quickly. Gale was my friend, and he wasn't so bad sometimes, even if he liked cheesebuns and couldn't draw nice circles. He was still there for me, right? Sigh. My thig thrboed as I sat on a couch, watching everyone else make out and drink and do all that cool kid stuff. I wanted to tell someone about my problem, but how could I? Maybe Gale would understand even if circles weren't his thing. I mean not everyone can be a good artist like Peeta. I felt a mental pang as I remembered Peeta. We just didn't belong together, and that made me sad. To take my mind off my peeza problems I decided to confide in Gale about my scars. He'll understand. "Hey, Gale, could we go outside and talk for a minuet?" I asked. He grabbed a cheesebun (we really have to stage an intervention or something) and followed me outside to the woods. What woods? any woods. I didn't forget that he enjoyed staring at hills and grass intently. "So what's up?" He asked, tracing a circle in the dirt. At least he's practicing. "I have a problem...it's a serious one...I...well..." I stameremed. "Just tell me, I don't have ten years." Gale sure was a jerk sometimes. Just then Petta and Clove came crashing through the bushes, hand in hand and laughing. When Peeta noticed me and Gale he stopped. "I thought you were busy with Prim, Kittyass?" He frowned. "Her sister is like, 3 years old. She should be home babysitting." Clove snorted. "YOU BITCH!" I screamed, diving forward and knocking her to the ground. My sister was like...11 or something! The two guys managed to pull us apart but I was still mad. "Just have fun with your dumb new girlfriend!" I cried at Pita and ran away, wishing I had never been bron. 


	7. Chapter 7

I left the party as quickly as psibble. I couldn't believe Peeta ahad shown up with Clove of all people. He had been there when she was teasing us – he had said to ignore her. Now what was he doing?

I stormed out the door, leaving gale and the others behind. It was chilly out and I wish I had brought a jacket. I walked down the street, irritated with everything.

"Katniss!" came a yell – it was peeta. Are you kidding me?

I walked faster, having no interested in talking to peeta. He was the last person I wanted to speak to. Ugh.

"Katniss!" he called again.

"Kleave me alone!" I yelled back, not turning my head. I could hear him jogging to catch up with me.

"No, katniss, listen, you said you were taking care of prim-"

"So that means you can go out with Clove?"

"You were going out with Gale!" he snapped and I stopped walking and turned to face him.

"Gale is my friend, peeta! I'm not dating him!"

Peeta crossed his arms, "Except you decideed to see him over me. You blew off our date for him."

"You – you odn't get it peeta," I said, tired, "you won't get it, okay? Just forget it, forget knowing me and hanging out with me and the possibility of a date, it just won't work okay?"

"What do you mean, katniss?"

"I mean it won't work, peeta! What are you not getting? It just won't work." I stoemed off, leaving him alone.

The next day at school after I helped prim to her class, I was trying to get my things together before englohs class.

"Hey Catnip." I looked up from my locker to see Gale leaning against the lockers, his arm crossed.

"Hey." I said.

"You took off last night after Peeta."

"I can't stand Clove." I said stubbornly, holding my books in my hand.

"You said you wanted to tell me something last night?"

oh yeah, that, I thought, was a bad idea, in hindsight. My thigh throbbed at the mere thought of sharing my pain with Gale in the hallways of school.

"Nothing. I twas nice."

Gale cocked his head to the side and reached out for my hand, I flinched and pulled back, "Okay, Catnip. But if you change your mind, i'm here."

"Thanks." I said stiffly.

I walked to english class where Glimmer tried to trip me when I walked in, cackling with Clove. I dat down behind them and tried to ignore them when Clove started to talk.

"Yeah, I went out with peeta. I thought he was into katniss but no way, he said that she is boring as hell and -"

I tuned her out. If peeta said those things, he was a jerk, but my guess was he had said nothing and clove was just making things up.

Art class things were akward. I saw peeta but he didn't look at me. Part of me wanted to explain – I wasn't deserving of someone who had such love and compassion for things. I bately deserved prim. But I couldnt speak. I sat down away from him and tried to focus on the lesson. My own sketch of the woods had gotten a C. Drawing wasnt my best part. As I glanced over at peeta, all I could think was Gale understood me the most while Peeta just wanted to.


	8. Chapter 8

Authers Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone XD Stay tuned fro more agnst! My life is a disaster. Peeta is ignoring me, Gale is being Gale, and I'm not that good at art. What was I supposed to do? Everything just sucked...I could feel the pressure on my shoulders. That night I hurt myself again. I needed to release all the pain and anger that was stuffed up insdie of me. What did it matter anymore? Why should I care? Why? Just...why? The next day at archery practice I decided to show how badass I was. I mean one time I shot an appeel out of a pig's mouth. Can you do that? I didn't think so. I waited until Clove was standing near one of the targets and fired, laughing when it nearly hit her in the face. HELL YEAH! Who in the world thinks knives are cooler tahn arrwos? Like, is that a real opinon? "Thank you for your consideration...you dumb ho." I smiled and ran away. Being a strong, indepednent lady was pretty awesome. Peeta stopped me and grabbed my wrist, making me cringe with pain. He just had to pick the place where I cut last. "I saw what you did." He accused. "Good, I hope you were watching. Next time I won't miss." I was doing pretty good with that bravdo thing. Bravado? Whatever. Basically I was being really cool. Suddenly my sleeve was pulled up and Peeza could see my scars. "What the hell happened?" He huffed. "Sometimes I do things to make the pain go away." I tugged my sleeve down and shrugged. We stood there for a few minutes. Totally not awkward at all. "Do you need to talk about it? I still like you, Kitty. You're raelly cool." he smiled. "Sure. Let's meet up after school and I'll tell you everything." I promised and watched him walk away. I had a date! Cool! 


	9. Chapter 9

Peeta and I were at the pizza place near our homes. It had an arcade and some kids from school but kuciky no one I knew. Not that I was ashamed of peeta, I just didnt want to deal with clove after almost killing her with a dumb arrow.

I was hoping for simple conversation but after I told peeta I would tell him everything, he just wanted to talk about my problems. I felt uncomfortable talking about my self harming. But peeta was focused on me.

"When did it start?"

I took a sip of my coke "after my dad died" I said.

"I'm sorry, you don't need to do that you know"

I shurgged, "it helps me. It helps me focus and take care of prim, listen I dont want to talk about this anymore okay."

peeta looked at me and I just nodded and he said, "okay. Listen, katniss, we don't need to talk abou it but you aren't alone okay? You have me."

it felt odd to hear that from someone. I knew gale was my friend but I can't imagine confinding with him like I do with peeta.

"Anyway," he said, "We don't need to talk about it anymore. Maybe instead of when you fel like injuring yourself you call me instead?"

"I..."

"Just think about it okay, kitty?" he said and then smiled, "Want to play some arcade games?"

"Sure." I said, relieved we were done talking.

We started playing some arcade games and I dounf myself having a really good time. Peeta was really sweet and I couldn't help but wonder if this was what a normal date felt like. We didnt talk about my cuting anymore and I found myself focusing on having a nice timej.

After the date, when we were walking home, peeta shuffled his feet a little.

"is it okay if I hold your hand?" he asked suddenly.

I was taken aback by his request but I nodded slowly, "okay."

he reached for my hand and held it softly as we walked under the moonlight. I felt a calm wash over me for the first time in a long time. Maybe things would be okay.

Peeta walked me to my house, holding my hand, not making any other sort of "move" on me.

"Are you interested in Clove?" I blurted out suddenly, for it had been bothering me.

"No." he shook his head, "i figured you weren't interested in me, truth was I went to rue's party and met her outside and we walked in together and I saw you."

"Oh." I felt relieed.

He walked me to my house and then we stopped. There were ambulances in front of it. I instantly thought of my mother. I let go of peeta's hand and started to run. I broke through the crowd, trying to find prim, to see what happened.

"Move!" I snapped, shoving people out of the way, when I ran headfirst into my mother.

"Mom!" I said and she turned around, her sunken eyes were sober for once as she suddenly gripped my hands, "Mom, what's going on? What's happening?"

"It's prim," my mom choked out a sob and my heart suddenly plummeted, "She tried to kill herself, Katniss."


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the night passed as if I was in a nightmare. Like I was in some dream, a dream that was suddenly a bad dream. What did they call those things again? Eh, it didn't matter. I spent the night at the hopsital with mom, while prim recuperated. Peeta stayed with me for a little while but when he started to nod off I sent him home. The hopsital chairs were uncomfortable as it is. The next morning we found out that prim had attempted suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills. This is what happens when you're an unfit parent who drinks all the time. The doctors told us that she'd be okay, but she would have to spend some time getting better. Then she would probably have to go to therapy- that's what happens when you're irreposinsble and try to kill yourself. mom decided to stay behind whiel I went home to grab some things like toothpaste and toothbrushes and clothes. At home it was too quiet, way too quiet. I had already called Gale and told him about the situation. "I'll send her a cheesebun." He's so useless sometimes. So I called the only person I could trust-Peea. "Can you come over?" I asked. "Tonight really sucks." A few minutes later Peeta arrived, looking concerned. "How's your mom?" He asked. "The usual. A drunkard." I replied drylyly. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I started thinking about how crappy life had been lately. My cutting, prim almost dying, that C+ in Art. I started to cry and Peiza asked me what's wrong. "I'm just screwing everything up...I couldn't save prim! I couldn't help her, even if she's bad at parenting. I couldn't save my dad, either." I sniffed and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "I've failed everyone...and Prim, I know I must have screwed her life up." I started to cry again and buried my face in my hands, my shoulders heaving. Life sucks. I excused myself and went upstairs to the bathroom, where my special friend was waiting. I was letting all my pain and frustration out and watching the blood drip down ym thights when Peeta slammed the door open, looking upset. "Kittycatness, you don't have to do this anymore!" He cried, grabbing the razor and throwing it in the sink. "You have me now. You can't screw up my life, because I'm already perfect." He sighed and we sat in silence again. I really needed a band-aid. 


	11. Chapter 11

I held Prim's hand while she slept. I had sent peeta home after he had stopped me from self harming because I just needed time with my sister. Mom was asleep in the waiting room. All I wanted was Prim to be okay. How could I have ignored her pain? How could I have ignored her sorrow? I just wanted her to be okay, to recover and come home. I was so self absorbed that I didn't even notice that prim needed me and she was the most important thing in my life. This was a nightmare.

Her hand was pale and cold and pale. I couldnt take it. I was so into my own pain I hadn;t noticed prim's.

"Prim, please, wake up. Please." I whispered. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and that I loved her and never wanted to harm her.

My phone buzzed. I peered down at it. Gale. I looked at the message. HOW IS PRIM?

I couldn't answer because I really didn't know prim was. How was prim deep down? Was she really okay? Would she get better? They wanted to send her to the district 12 mental health hospital once she got better. She wouldn't be at home anymore. She wouldn't be with me anymore. I couldn't function thinking about that.

I must have fallen asleep nex tto prom's bed, because I heard her softly calling me. I woke up.

"Little duck?" I said sleepily.

"Katniss." she whispered.

I leaned over to her, to her frail body and small demenor and I wanted to cry.

"How are you doing?"

"Katniss, I..."

"it's okay, prim. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I have to see you go to the mental hospital, i'm sorry."

"i don't want to go, katniss. Don't make me go."

"prim, i'm sorry. I wish I could help you. I wish I could make the pain go away."

prim started to cry and I cried too.

A few days later, prim was released from the hospital to the mental hospital. Mom and I walked with her to the lobby. We were both crying.

"Prim, I'll visit you every day okay?" I told her, holding her tightly to me.

"i know, katniss. Thank you." she said, rubbing her eyes, trying to calm down.

"Every day. I love you." I said to her, holding her braids in my hands, trying to calm down.

We said good-bye to prim and I couldn't help myself, I texted peeta. CAN I PLEASE SEE YOU?

We met up outside at the diner nearby after I dropped my mom off. I couldn't stand to be in the house. And I was worried I would self injure myself again. I couldn't visit prim until tomorrow and the thought of her all alone in that mental hospital made me want to sob.

"How are you holding up?" he asked me.

"HonesltY" I mumbled, raising an eyebrow.

"Dumb question." he said, holding his eyes upwards, in peace.

"it's awful, peeta. I should have known. I should have done something. I should have helped her."

Peeta grabbed my hand and pulled me close.

"I really like you katniss. This isn't your fault. You have your own isues." he whispered, rubbing his hand over my covered arms.

"I just..." I felt myself choking up.

That's when peeta leaned forward and gave me a kiss. It was soft and sweet, and for a moment I felt like nothing else was going on.


	12. Chapter 12

After kissing a few times I told Peeta to back off, what kind of girl does he think I am? I'm classy. I've got stndarsds. "Don't touch my boob." "I wasn't." He totally was. I visited Prim in the hopsital as mcuch as I could. It's not easy having a sister in the nuthouse. It was strange not seeing Prim run around the house yelling in tongues or having to take care of her. It was also strange to see her in the hospital, doped up and surrounded by people who were just as bad off as she was. Mom wasn't handling it well. Or at least I thought so. I couldn't really tell. I finally had a chance to see Gale, who was his usual self. "How's your sister? And your mom?" He asked sympathetically. "They're both fine." I sighed and shrugged. "I couldn't help Prim, but I'll be there for her no matter what." I sniffed and willed myself not to cry. Gale patted me on the shoulder. "I'll be here for you, too." Things got a little better after that. Visiting Prim became a lot easier. The medicine was actually helping; she seemed calmer. "The voices have stopped now, Katniss." She said once. "Everything is quiet now." I took that as a good sign. If the voices in your head stopped surely you were getting better, right? In the meantime I was spending more and more time with Peeta. He was sweet, and understanding, and now that I could tell him anything I didn't feel the need to cut anymore. I threw out most of my razors and slowly but surely felt stronger. "Katniss..I think...I think I love you." Peeta said one day, blushing. "You're silly," I said. "We're only teenagers." But deep down inside I really did love peeto. I don't know why I lied. 


	13. Chapter 13

All I could do was think about what Peeta had told me. Could I really love him back? Feeling his love for me had the urge to self harm go down. I visited prim every day and tried to be there for her. Even mom was working on sobering up because prim had scared her so much. Could things be getting better?

At school, peeta and I would hold hands and not care if people saw. I guess we were a couple now. Gale was upset but I couldn't make everyone happy. Not when I was focuisng on my self again.

One night we were in his backyard staring at the stars, holding hands when I almost felt like crying.

"What's wrong?" peta sasked me.

"I just...i don't deserve you, peeta."

He tilted my head to him and looked in my eyes "Yes you do, kitty. You do deserve me. You have a glorious personality and a great soul. You just need to accept it."

He slid up my covered arms and rubbed my scars gingerly, "i love you, katniss. Even if you don't want to say it back, I know you love me too. I can see it in your eyes."

I gripped his hands tighter and kissed him gently, "I'm scared, peeta."

"Don't be, kitty. You can't do anything wrong with me."

I felt like I was heading off a cliff. There was a time where I was alone, miserable, and unsure of how to love, hurting myself to feel, trying my best to take care of prim but not even noticing she needed me. I spent so much time mourning the loss of my dad I couldn't even focus on trying to mend things with my mother. Did I deserve peeta? Did I serdever love?

I leaned forward and kissed him again, "Peeta. I love you."

He hugged me tightly and I felt at peace. Like everything would be okay. I could move on with peeta's love in my life. That was all that mattered – if I coused on getting better.

I felt reborn.


End file.
